hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
