You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
