By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
