Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Shame - the story of my life.
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