u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
