I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
