Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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