He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
