Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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