Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Princesses don't give blow jobs
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
