how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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