Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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