why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
