Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My balls are so social today.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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