He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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