4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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