Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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