someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
