Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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