I feel like abortions should bother me more
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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