My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
