Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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