You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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