i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
