i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
