Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
