he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
