I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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