so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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