i jhust puked up my retainher.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
