(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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