Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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