we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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