She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
