Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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