I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
