But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
