Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
