discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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