He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
