Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
nutella sex= disaster
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
