just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
