He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
