Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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