you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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