Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
