The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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