Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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