I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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