Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
