just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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