Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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