I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
