you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
