I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
