Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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