tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
