he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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