Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My bed smells like the plague
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize