Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
