He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
