I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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