My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She announced her abortion via fbk
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
