i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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