True but thats because hes a fetus.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize