Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Randomize
