This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
