Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
