and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
