took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize