I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize