No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
