you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
