she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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