Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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