I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
