in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
