I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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