I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
