peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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