I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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