was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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